


A Crack In The Facade

by princey_pie



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Multi, Self-Esteem Issues, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:41:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22564927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princey_pie/pseuds/princey_pie
Summary: Logan overworked himself to a breaking point. Then the others found out.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, LAMP - Relationship
Comments: 8
Kudos: 135
Collections: TS Hurt Comfort To Soothe The Soul, TSS Fanworks Collective





	A Crack In The Facade

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lilfella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilfella/gifts).



The faintest silver-blue lining of light shined from under Logan's door, just barely visible in the dark hallway. If one would listen closely, one would be able to hear two things. Slight snoring coming from Patton's room and the soft clicking of Logan's keyboard, barely audible through the thick wooden doors.

Inside his room, the logical side was indeed still working despite the early morning hours. He sat at his desk, hunched over his laptop with the screen as the only source of light due to the sun setting unnoticed plenty of hours ago. Opening a new document, Logan took a look at the clock and winced. He had promised himself that tonight he would actually try to enforce the sleep schedule he made for Thomas and go to bed before midnight. His cognitive functions really couldn't effort another all-nighter. But he needed to get this done too. Logan started typing again, rubbing his sore wrists every once and a while.

Two hours later his eyes were burning and Logan miserably stared at the two incoherent paragraphs that mocked him from the screen. The frustration that tried to grow in his chest was only barely held down by sheer exhaustion. With a heavy heart, he saved his- he didn't dare to call it progress- and shut the laptop off. Sudden darkness emerged him. His wrists were throbbing and sharp pinches of pain in his knuckles tried to pierce through the fog in his brain.

Logan collapsed face-first into his bed, not even bothering to remove his clothes or glasses. His eyes finally slipped shut with a soft relieved sigh. But sleep simply wouldn't come and if he would have enough liquid in his eyes, Logan was sure he would be crying right now. His mind bounced on the walls as he taught about all the time he was loosing while simply laying here, not even using the time to sleep while he needed it so urgently to catch up with his work. So Logan tossed and turned in his sheets and tried to get his thoughts to just shut up for a single second.

Morning came far too early. Logan laid on his back and watched as the night sky painted on his ceiling got lighter with the pale light of dawn. He watched as the little glow-in-the-dark stars went dull.

Logan still watched the light on his ceiling as he heard Patton showering in the other room and a few hours later as the other sides passed down the hallway to join Patton in the kitchen for breakfast. His stomach rumbled at the thought of food, slight nausea rising inside him.

Logan turned to his side, now facing the door. By now it was bright enough that he was able to see the To-Do-List from this month. The nausea intensified as he stared at the three pages with only one merely point checked off. Today was the 24th.

Logan knew that he should get up, that he needed to strip off his old clothes, get into the shower to wash his hair, get out again and dry his hair as well as style it. Then he would need to find a clean shirt from the depths of the unloaded clean clothes laundry basket that he planned to put away three days ago. Then he needed to iron it, instead of just summoning it that way like usual since he was far too tired right now. And even after all that he would only complete half his outfit before he could down to breakfast and actually eat something before he could try to battle the evergrowing mountain of tasks. Logan could feel his exhaustion growing with an undertone of desperation at the sheer thought.

He was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Lo-Lo, are you awake? Breakfast is ready," Patton's voice sounded through the wood.

Logan pushed himself up into a sitting position. "I'll need a little longer. You can start without me, I'll eat something later."

He could hear him hesitate before his door before Patton seemed to give in, much to Logan's relief, although his door was always locked and wouldn't allow Patton to enter even if he would choose to try. He didn't want Patton to see him like this, looking like the physical embodiment of failure. He carefully listened to Patton's footsteps retreating and let out a heavy sigh when he heard him descending the stairs in his usual happy hopping pattern.

Somehow this encounter finally gave him the impulse to get out of bed. Instead of heading to the bathroom like he probably should, he decided to use this motivation while he still could to get some work done. He dragged himself across the room to his desk and powered up his laptop. He will shower and get a snack once he got something done, he promised himself as he opened the document of last night, already wincing at the countless red lines under the words placed in short jumbled sentences. His fingers started to hammer the laptop keys.

It was 3 am in the mindscape and Patton was just retreating to bed. Or rather he was creeping upstairs after having another Parks & Recs marathon in the living room.

The hallway was peacefully quiet in the low light that came from the unicorn-shaped flashlight in Patton's hand. He was about to go into his room, glad that his wandering didn't wake anyone up when a reflection caught his eye. Patton stepped closer and saw the plate with lunch leftovers still standing in front of Logan's door where he left it earlier this day. It was untouched.

Patton threw a worried glance at the logical side's door. He raised his hand to knock before he caught himself. It was three in the morning, Logan would be asleep by now and with how hard he had worked the last few weeks with all of Thomas' deadlines and the side' schedules for the video group meetings, he really needed his rest.

So instead Patton focused on teleporting the plate to the kitchen sink to be cleaned tomorrow. Then he went to bed. He would have to get up early again for breakfast and while he loved caring for his kiddos, he needed sleep too. Even a dad isn't invincible after all.

The sun rose late the next day, it almost being noon, and so did Patton. Given the time, he decided against making breakfast and instead cooked a quick soup, not cream-based of course, and cut up some fresh bread. Soon the smell of blended vegetables and curry washed through the kitchen. When he went to clean up the kitchen, he found the plate from last night in the sink again and worry crept back into his mind.

However, he was distracted by Virgil sticking his bed head through the kitchen entry. "I smell food." He turned and yelled over his shoulder. "Oi, royal pain in the ass, come down here, Patton made food!"  
Patton smiled as he heard Roman scrambling down the stairs.

As soon as he reached the kitchen he started bickering with Virgil, but the sparkling eyes and hidden smiles didn't go unnoticed by Patton either, indicating that both sides had fun and weren't actually serious. They immediately went silent though when Patton placed a bowl on the table in front of each of them, their eyes immediately growing wide and stomach rumbling at the smell. That they still loved his cooking so much, after all these years, always made Patton feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like a balloon of joy was swelling in his chest.

They sat down to eat. After the first few spoons, Roman stopped and frowned at the empty spot. "Logan isn't coming?"

Patton sighed. "He's still working I think. He didn't eat lunch yesterday either. I'll bring him a bowl after." A determined look crossed his face. "And this time he'll damn well eat it."

Virgil snorted over his soup. "Well, then Logan doesn't stand a chance. Once our dear Patton goes into dad mode..."

Roman started to snicker and soon Patton joined in, his heart once more swelling with sheer love.

About an hour later Patton stood in front of Logan's still closed door. He was armed with soup, a spoon, and delicious self-made bread. This time he wouldn't let Logan make excuses. He knocked twice and waited to be allowed entry.

But it stayed silent on the other side of the door.

Patton frowned and knocked harder, the noise of his knuckles hitting the wood echoed around. "Logan? May I come in, please?"

There still wasn't an answer and Patton grew even more worried. He tried the door only to find it locked. He strained his ears and could hear some soft sounds of something he couldn't quite place. So Logan was definitely inside.

"Logan?!" Patton repeated louder, bordering on panic now. "If you don't answer me then I'm coming in!" When he once again was meet with deafening silence, he set aside the soup and rammed his shoulder against the door. It wouldn't budge but Patton's shoulder was aching.

He winced and rubbed it while he went to get Roman. He found him curled up with Virgil on the couch, doing each other's nails as some disney movie he didn't recognize played in the background.

"Roman?"

Two pairs of eyes snapped up at him. "Logan locked himself in his room and doesn't answer. I'm really worried something happened."

Roman's eyebrow furrowed. "Pattycake, I'm sure if anyone can get him out then it's you, so what-"

"I want you to break down his door."

Slowly a large grin grew on Roman's face and he jumped up. "Hell yeah!"

At Virgil's shocked judging face he quickly calmed himself. "Look, I know, we're all worried for Logan but do you know how long I waited for our wonderful little sunshine to ask me that!" He grabbed Patton by the hand and twirled him around a little before reluctantly setting him back down.

The little group promptly marched upstairs, lead by Roman. Once in front of the door, Roman pounded his fist against it and yelled: "Logan, step away from the door! We're coming in!"

He took a few steps back and then, with a battle cry, ran at the door at full speed, using his whole body as a battering ram. The door gave way with a dry crack, sending Roman tumbling to the floor along with the now splintered wood.

The room in front of them was pitch black. Virgil carefully stepped around the wood and helped Roman to his feet again. Patton in the meanwhile hit the light switch next to the door. The lightbulb over the door flickered to life and illuminated what once had been Logan's room. Now it looked like the inside of a trashcan that got caught in a tornado. Papers were strewn everywhere, most of them crumbled and stained.

Amid the chaos, Logan sat slumped over at his desk, clothes wrinkled and dirty. The laptop screen in front of him was black, the battery long run out. Regardless his fingers hovered over the keyboard, twitching and still trying to hit the keys. He didn't react when the light turned on.

"Logan?" Virgil carefully took a step forward and gently touched him at the shoulder, turning him around in his chair.

The three let out various noises of shook at the sight of the logical side. His eyes were bloodshot and stared blankly ahead. Just over his forehead, several patches of hair were missing were Logans must have pulled them out. His face was pale and sweaty and he was muttering under his breath. His arms stayed in the exact same position as if he was still typing on a keyboard.

Virgil regained his composure the fastest and slowly crouched down in front of Logan. He reached out and cupped his face in his hands. "L, dear? What happened? Please tell me how we can help."

Virgil received no answer but Logan leaned almost unnoticeably into the touch. His mumbles stopped for a moment and his eyes slipped closed before his head suddenly snapped up again and he frantically searched for his laptop, hitting the keyboard like a man possessed even though it was obvious that he could barely move his arms.

Virgil helplessly looked back at the others.

Roman shared a look with Patton as well before Patton walked behind Logan and loosely wrapped his arm around him. Patton opened his mouth to speak but upon touching Logan's forehead, he frowned. "Guys, he's freezing cold."

Virgil startled in alarm. "We need to warm him up, who knows how long he's been like this! What if he's developing hypothermia or what if he already has! He needs fluids, a warm bath- wait is that ok if he's freezing, he won't go into shock right?!"

He only paused when Roman grabbed his hands. "Deep breaths, stormcloud. We're here now and we'll figure it out on the way, okay? I think a bath is a good idea, we can use my tub. I think it's been a while since he had one..."

Virgil nodded. "I'll get it ready." With a last glance, he basically fled out of the room.

Meanwhile, Patton tried to ease Logan away from his desk without upsetting him too much. "Why don't we leave this alone for a bit, sweetheart? Just a few seconds, okay? You already did so much, Lo-Lo, it's okay now, I promise."

He carefully lifted Logan out of his chair despite his weak protests, swooning under his weight. "Roman, a little help?"

Roman spurred into action. "Yeah, sure, let me-" He lifted Logan in a princess carry and had to hold back the tears when he felt just how light the other side was.

As soon as Logan was pressed against his chest, Logan nuzzled his face into the crook of his neck and his voice, even though muffled by Roman's shirt, became a bit more clear and louder. Maybe it was only because his muscles relaxed at the warmth but Roman would like to think it was because he felt safe in Roman's arms.

Logan deeply inhaled Roman's scent and let out a sigh. "Smell nice... good...."

Even through his worry, Roman send a smile down to one of the most important people for him in his arms.

Logan buried his face deeper in Roman's shirt, distantly taking note of his heartbeat. "Perfect..."

Patton chuckled beside them. "I see you got that covered. I'll go and see how Virgil's doing." He hurried down the corridor, into Roman's room.

Roman nodded in acknowledgment, slowly starting to walk himself. "Mind repeating that, starlight?"

Logan grumbled a bit but still slurred out a few words: "Need to be perfect 'n work harder."

Roman gently hushed him. "No, deary, no. You're doing so good, the best. Why do you have to be perfect? That's impossible, even for you."

Logan whined against his chest and said something Roman would never forget, no matter how long he lived. "Want you to love me... Am not enough..."

Roman could feel his heartbreak, could feel it shattering in his chest and each little piece plunging into his flesh, sending sparks of pain through him. "No, Logan, my little scientist, no! We love you so much, all of us. And if I have to prove it to every single day, then I'll do so gladly."

Roman made his way to his own bathroom as quick as he could without jostling Logan. He had been hurt enough already and Roman vowed to himself that no matter what, no matter the cost, he'll never let Logan hurt himself like this again.

In the bathroom, they're greeted by Patton combing through Virgil's hair while hugging him close. Both of them look up when Roman walked in. He glanced between the bubble bath Virgil prepared and Logan. "Uh, how do we do this?"

Virgil wiped the tear traces off his face and stepped closer, speaking softly to Logan to not startle him. "Hey, L. We're gonna get in the bath, okay? But we need to get your clothes off for that, is that alright?"

Logan weakly reached out for Virgil and Roman immediately complied, setting Logan carefully to his feet who clung to Virgil's hoodie instantly. Virgil quickly wrapped his arms around him to support his weight.

"Soft..." Logan mumbled while his fingers weakly twitched in the fabric folds.

"Well, I'm glad you like my hoodie," Virgil said as he carefully pulled away Logan's tie and got his shirt off.

"Noooo," Logan whined, looking up at him with half-lidded eyes, "not hoodie, you. Soft and good, always so good... too good for me."

Virgil's gaze softened and Patton let out a choked sob. Virgil ran his hand slowly through Logan's greasy hair, smothering it back, away from his clammy forehead. "Never, love. You're always there for us, what would we do without you?"

Logan's eyes slipped closed as he whispered something that sounded like a protest and his legs buckled under him. Virgil quickly tightened his grip to keep him upright.

Patton put a hand on his shoulder. He still held back his tears. "I think, it's best when we talk about it in the morning. Bath time, now, Logibear."

Together they got rid of the rest of Logan's clothes and carefully maneuvered him into the tub. Logan let out little moans as the warm water relaxed his muscles and Patton rinsed out his hair. The rest of the bath passed in silence. Just before the water could grow cold, a bit of color had returned to his face. They got him out and wrapped him in a fluffy towel and Logan's favorite periodic table print pajamas.

Roman carried him to his big canopy bed that would be able to fit them all in. There was no way in hell any of them would let Logan sleep alone tonight.

Logan himself was barely conscious right now, eyes barely open, body relaxed and pliant in Roman's arms. Roman gently placed him in the pillows and Patton immediately wrapped him in extra fluffy blankets, fresh out of the dryer.

Roman got into bed as well, pulling Logan close, so that his chest was pressed against his own. Virgil sat down on Logan's other side and took one of his wrists into his hands. He barely bent it and Logan let out a sharp, pained yelp. Roman immediately soothed him, rubbing circles into his back.

"He probably has carpal tunnel syndrome," Virgil whispered to Patton. He started to gently massage his wrists, forearm, and hand, earning little relieved sighs from the other as Logan's eyes slowly slipped completely shut. When he got to the other wrists, he let out slow, even breaths, soundly asleep.

Virgil reached out and took the casts Patton had conjured in the meantime and carefully attached them around both wrists, just tight enough that they wouldn't cut off the blood flow but would still let the injuries heal. He adjusted the blankets and laid down next to Logan. Patton followed shortly, hugging Virgil from behind. They all fell asleep to the soft thumbing of Logan's heartbeat.

Logan woke early in the morning two days after the incident. He stared up at the ceiling and tried to make sense of why he wasn't looking at fading glow stars but red silk curtains. His memory was fuzzy and lacked large bits. He remembered working until he suddenly was not and felt cold and stiff and alone. Until suddenly he was not. He remembered warmth, and kind voices even though he couldn't remember what they had said.

Now his throat felt sore and his wrists were burning as if he had dunked them into acid. He also didn't remember putting casts on. Slowly he started to suspect what happened. The others must have found him on one of his burnout sessions, that meant they saw-

Logan's heart started to race and he could feel his breath coming short. The room started spinning and he distantly heard the door opening as if standing in a tunnel. Then someone was counting a familiar breathing pattern for him and slowly but steadily the world came back into focus.

Virgil sat in front of him, concern was written on his features clear as day. "How are you feeling?"

Logan nodded and pressed his hands to his lap to hide the shaking. "I assure you, I'm fine."

Virgil raised a single eyebrow. "Yeah, I call bullshit." When Logan flinched back, his whole demeanor softened. "Look, I don't know what exactly happened or what you remember from last night, I mean you were pretty out of it. But, L, it's okay to feel shitty and we need to talk about this. The others are waiting downstairs, we would have been here but you were asleep quite a bit- not that's that a bad thing, you clearly needed the rest, it's just-"

Virgil fell silent when Logan grabbed and squeezed his hands, as well as the casts, let him. "Vee, I know what you mean." He sighed and avoided his gaze as he continued speaking: "Can't we just forget this happened?"

Virgil squeezed back. "No, we really need to talk about it. Come on, L, time to face the music. No one will judge you, I promise."

Logan hesitantly let himself pulled out of bed. As soon as he stood, he pulled his hands back to himself. Although Virgil got a sad look on his face, he wordlessly let go.

Logan felt vulnerable in the open room and it only got worse when they walked down the hallway and down the stairs, into the common room. Upon hearing their footsteps Logan saw Roman quickly switching off the tv and sitting up ramrod straight on the couch.

Patton disappeared into the kitchen and emerged with a cup of tea. While Virgil got him seated next to Roman and squeezed himself on Logan's other side, Patton pressed the mug into his hands.  
"It's good to see you up again, sweetie," he said while trying to smile convincingly.

Logan couldn't meet his eye. "Can we just get this conversation over? Virgil said you felt the need to talk about the latest events."

Patton nodded sadly. "Well, dear, can you blame us? We found you in a not so good state after you locked yourself in your room. You were freezing and not really responding to us. We're just worried for you, Lo-Lo."

Logan adjusted his glasses and self-consciously ran a hand through his, without a doubt, messy hair. "I assure you I'm fine. Usually, I'm back to functioning properly after exactly 52 hours."

A tiny noise came from Roman and his hand twitched in his lap, aching to comfort Logan but suspecting that touch might be too much stimulation for him right now. "You mean this has happened before, moonbeam?"

Logans squirmed in his seat. "Indeed, it can happen during a particularly busy time. Usually, I catch the signs far earlier. I will be more careful next time and not inconvenience you again."

Simultaneously three different sounds of protest sounded from around him and Logan quickly found him squished in a group hug. And even though his skin was tingling from the contact, he felt strangely warm and safe.

After several minutes, Roman pulled back with wet eyes. "Darling, what in the world would make you think like this?"

Logan straightened. He had this argument with himself in his head many times after all. "I only meant to assure you that I'll be able to manage my workload again in the nearest future. So you don't have to worry about that."

"Logan, we're worried for you, not the spreadsheets and all this stuff. Because we love you." Roman's voice choked a bit at the end.

"I don't understand. My role in Thomas' life is to take care of his schedule and the like. If I can't do that what else is left of me." Logan went quiet for a second. "What else is left there to love?"

"No!" Patton lifted his chin to look him in the eyes. Logan saw his determination burning with the intensity of a wildfire. "Logan, we love you for you. Not your role as Logic, that's only such a small part of you we adore."

Virgil nodded. "You're allowed to make mistakes, Logan. We don't want you to work yourself into the ground. We couldn't risk losing you. And if you tell us how to help-"

"No," Logan interrupted him. "I have to do this on my own."

"Why?! No seriously Logan, why?! Why do you have to this by yourself? To prove your worth or some bullshit?!" Virgil took a deep breath to calm himself. "Look, I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but it's the truth. You can accept help, it's not a weakness, believe me. We won't abandon you. I mean, what if Patton or Roman or I would come for you and ask for help? Would it bother you or make you think less of any of us? Would it make you love us less?"

Logan vehemently shook his head. "No, of course not."

"Then why is it different for you?"

Logan took a moment to think before he answered slowly, trying to wrap his head around the concept. "I suppose, it isn't?"

"Damn right, it isn't."

Roman chimed in. "You're enough, you always have been. And if we didn't make you feel like this from the very start then it's on us, not you." He pressed a light kiss onto Logan's hand. "Let us try to help, dearest?"

"It's okay to struggle, it's a learning process to get rid of old habits. Just give this a chance please?" Patton grabbed his free hand and soothingly rubbed circles into his palm, careful to not touch the casts around his wrists.

And Logan finally decided to give it a chance, no matter how strange it seemed to him. How could he not when they all looked at him with so much hope in their puppy eyes.

They talked until late in the afternoon, Logan trusting them enough to spill everything. He told them about his troubles to complete his work, his insomnia, and his problems to get out of his bed. And they discussed possible ways to help him, strategies they could try to make life easier. But most importantly, they listened to him. For the first time in a long while, Logan truly felt heard without having to worry about hiding anything, without having to uphold his mask of perfection.

Still, Logan expected things to back to normal pretty quickly after their talk. Maybe Patton would check in on him more frequently, Virgil would spend his reading time in Logan's room and Roman would consider his schedule for group meetings with less drama, but he expected nothing too drastic. And even as a rare occurrence as it was, this time Logan was wrong.

He was skeptical when Patton insisted that Logan threw out his shrill alarm clock. He only complied because Patton promised that they would wake him up on time because once Patton promised something, it was set in stone.

He realized just how much effort they were putting in when he slowly rose from sleep instead of jumping out of his skin due to his alarm. Sleeping alone on itself was rare since he was not used to sleeping soundly but waking to Virgil massaging his wrists was heavenly. He let out a sleepish grunt and blindly buried his face in Virgil's hoodie who was still half-asleep himself.

Virgil leaned in to whisper into his ear: "Breakfast is ready, do you want some? Patton made them with Crofters. And Princey's currently torturing oranges to make juice."

Logan felt a smile grow on his face and warmth bloom in his chest. "That sounds lovely." Then he could feel the heaviness settling into his guts, pulling him down into the blankets, urging him to just stay in bed a little longer, just until he was ready which would probably be never.

Virgil rose again and pulled Logan with him, halfway into his arms.

Logan did definitely not let out a yelp because he was a very composed person who did not yelp. As he looked up into Virig's sleepy face, he found he could get used to this.

"Do you want to get ready?"

Logan shook his head. He was wearing his favorite pajamas and felt pretty comfortable and warm. But then he thought about how his hair was probably messy and- "I mean if that's acceptable? I know I don't look-"

Strong hands cupped his face. "Hey, none of that. You look perfect. And even if you didn't, you could still come down."

Logan took deep breaths. "Then I want to go down."

He linked his with Virgil's fingers and lead him downstairs. Patton and Roman were still busy in the kitchen which emitted the sound of laughter and the absolutely delicious smell of fresh jelly and pancakes.

It became a routine after that day and even though Virgil hated the early morning hours with a passion, he would get up every day without fail to wake him with sleepy hugs, better than every clockwork could.

Logan realized just how much they actually cared when Patton first started reciting famous poets and historians to him on a bad day.

He was reassured of it every time Patton slid a note under his door when he said he wanted to work undisturbed or brought him a snack when he worked in the commons.

He knew they all did when Patton and Roman asked for his documents and proofread them, bringing them back corrected with color-coded notes.

Logan realized that they really meant what they said that day of the talk when Roman brought him a cd with ocean sounds and soothing music with a handpainted cover to help him sleep, on the same evening they had discussed his problems.

It was drilled into his consciousness every time Roman sang him a lullaby or made up a bedtime story that could have been written by Agatha Christie herself just to help him wind down after a stressful day. All Logan had to do, was lay there and relax while Patton massaged his wrists and Virgil laid on top of him, providing a soothing weight and warmth.

Logan never felt more loved as when they all had breakfast in bed on laundry day so that Logan wouldn't have to deal with the crumbs in his bed afterwards. Or when they were there for him on the really bad days, where he got nothing done and slipped into old habits, just as much as they always did.

Logan never felt more loved before and he couldn't wait for the years to come.

**Author's Note:**

> So this was part of a secret santa exchange on tumblr and I have to post this now even though the name reveal never happened because I'll explode otherwise (I don't mean to offend anyone but I can't reach the mods and it's been a month).  
> Anyway, I had so much fun writing this fic for one of my favorite authors of the fandom and I hope y'all enjoy it.


End file.
